Mr. Mister - "Welcome to the Real World" (1985)

Rating: 3

Mr. Mister was a group of L.A. session musicians who formed in the early 80s to put their own spin on the pop-rock style of bands like Toto and Chicago (that sentence should tell you all you need to know about this band, but I shall proceed nonetheless). Indeed, lead singer Richard Page was offered the opportunity to lead both those groups, but declined and was rewarded with two #1 hits in "Kyrie" and "Broken Wings." Commercially, Mr. Mister was briefly very successful before fading into oblivion. Artistically, not so much.

I listened to the first three tracks on the first side and heard nothing but flat stadium rock with dopey keyboards and sludgy power chords in place of riffs. So I was prepared to turn the record off before even making it to the end of side one but then noticed that the three major hits on the album (the two aforementioned, plus top 10 single "Is It Love") were all aligned in a row on the second side. I'm not sure if Mr. Mister thought that would give them some credibility or perhaps force listeners to pay attention to their faceless music of the first side, but either way, definitely not a good move. Sometimes you just have to admit your limitations and front-load the album because that's all anyone wants to hear anyways.

Of course, it's not like those hits were particularly good, which I strongly suspect to be correlated with Mr. Mister's subsequent decline. "Kyrie" has the catchiest chorus on the record but said chorus is indistinguishable from Toto's "Africa." "Broken Wings" is the only song here that I recognized ("take... these broken wings") and I would call it the worst song on the album if I had actually listened to every song on the album. It's a prototypical power ballad, and like many 80s power ballads of ill repute, the group seemed to think that playing the entire song at a dragging tempo and having Page offer up somber platitudes is the same thing as writing a heart-wrenching love song. It isn't. 

So while allmusic.com may give this album four stars by default for being the Mr. Mister album with the most hits, that just makes me terrified to imagine what their other albums might be like. Blue bin!

Blue Bin Singles

As I tend to be an album-oriented person, I have found myself neglecting the small pile of singles that I acquired as part of my record collection. Though there are some worthy singles to be found in it (i.e, The Beatles' "Real Love"), there is also, of course, much to be jeered at and scorned. This post is about those unlucky singles that fall into the latter category.

The Young Moderns - "Body Won't Obey/(she's a) Disposable Girl"


The Young Moderns supplant whatever random jazz artist last held the title for Most Obscure Musical Act in my collection. My customary search on allmusic.com turned up no results for the group whatsoever. I then located this very single on rateyourmusic.com, with exactly one rating on its page and no other works by the Young Moderns listed. For this apparently hip, youthful group that featured both a male and female Jamie (as I inferred from the back of the single cover), this single was their one chance to make it big. And with the results sounding like the Sex Pistols if Yoko Ono were their lead singer, they failed.

Billy Ocean - "When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going"


Robotic R&B dance-pop lacking the charm of Ocean's most famous single "Get Out of my Dreams (And Into My Car)." The most entertaining thing about this single for me is that the B-side is an instrumental version of the A-side, as if anyone would ever want to hear five minutes of a three-note electronic bass line played over a drum machine.

Dion - "Abraham, Martin & John/From Both Sides Now"


From the crooner most famous for "The Wanderer," this single found Dion attempting to recast himself as a sensitive folk-rock performer. On the A-side, Dion contemplates the assassinations of Lincoln, King and Kennedy but has nothing interesting or meaningful to say ("But it seems the good they die young/I just looked around and he's gone") nor despite laying on strings and organ, is the song anything but boring.

R.J.'s Latest Arrival - "Shackles"


Dating back to 1983, this was, for all I know, this was a pioneering rap single. Unfortunately, this R.J. or perhaps his latest arrival had yet to pioneer quality in rap. Once again, the B-side is an instrumental so you get to hear a lot of scratched turntables if you're into that kind of thing.

Art & Dotty Todd - "Chanson D'Amour"/Johnny Crawford - "Cindy's Birthday"


Pre-Beatles pap. To make a Bayesian inference, the odds of me enjoying a song by the performers Art and Dotty Todd are close to zero.

J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers - "Last Kiss/Hey Little Girl"


Hey, it's that song Pearl Jam covered in the 1990s! But there can only be one great early 60s song about the death of a teenager and that song is "Leader of the Pack." Okay, I like this song too, but it's not the original version, and this obscure cover isn't particularly noteworthy.

Mike Cross - "Rock 'n' Rye" (1980)

Rating: 4

This album is definitely one of the most obscure records in my collection, having obtained exactly one rating on rateyourmusic.com (and zero reviews). Even allmusic.com didn't review this album, though Mike Cross does at least have his own biography. Because of this, I know that he went to UNC-Chapel Hill, thus joining James Taylor in the annals of mediocre musicians hailing from the town where I currently live. Oops, did I spoil the surprise?

Although I had the impression from the album cover of the other Mike Cross album I own (yes, I have two) that this would be some sort of Irish folk album, it is in fact mostly straight-up country, with some occasional electric guitar and fiddle thrown in. It is at least 'old-school' country, i.e., not just an insular ode to the redneck lifestyle like modern country, but with lyrical subject matter mostly about broken hearts and getting drunk. I am not particularly inclined towards even this kind of music, but much like with blues, the songs are all pretty much the same, so it is safe to say that a country record succeeds largely on the passion and sincerity of the singer. And although Cross seems to be a genial fellow, his slow songs aren't wracked and anguished enough for my liking, and his fast songs not funny enough. I'm not going to pop a boner for just any country record made before 1990, so there's only one judgment I can give Rock 'n' Rye: blue bin!

James Taylor - "Gorilla" (1975)

Rating: 4

Frankly, I can't stand James Taylor, Chapel Hill lineage or no. To quote allmusic.com, "when people use the term 'singer/songwriter' in praise or in criticism, they're thinking of James Taylor." Indeed Taylor is who I associate with the term "singer-singwriter" and I absolutely mean it in criticism the majority of the time. Gorilla is a fairly lightweight album, exploring more poppy acoustic arrangements, so isn't exactly like the man's most famous (or infamous) work, but does share the same critical flaw that there isn't a single memorable melody to be found on the record. Perhaps I exaggerate, but this record does nothing to correct my impression that behind Taylor's warm, smooth vocals and pleasant guitar playing, there isn't much interesting musically here. Lyrically, there are some interesting moments, but this isn't exactly supposed to be a 'deep' album anyways, not that it would impress me much more if it were. Someday I'll listen to Sweet Baby James and decide once and for all if there is anything in James Taylor's discography I would enjoy, but if there is, it certainly isn't here. Blue bin!

Stanley Turrentine - "Have You Ever Seen The Rain" (1975)

Rating: 4

Basically the same thing as his 1974 release Pieces of Dreams. Slightly better due to two tracks ("T's Dream," "Tommy's Tune") which are much closer to classic jazz than the orchestrated pap that makes up the rest of the album, but there's still the matter of the orchestrated pap that makes up the rest of the album. On the other hand, his token pop/rock cover is less inspired this time around since jazz CCR makes significantly less sense than jazz Stevie Wonder. But on the third (?) hand, this one has a pretty sweet album cover. Obviously I don't have much else to say besides the obvious: blue bin!

Stanley Turrentine - "Pieces of Dreams" (1974)

Rating: 4

For some reason, I own three records by tenor saxophonist Stanley Turrentine. In the early days of this blog, I reviewed his 1976 release Everybody Come On Out and (barely) decided it was worth keeping. Today, I feel not quite so sympathetic and am reconsidering my verdict on his other record as well. If I were more of a jazz connoisseur, I suspect I would be grievously offended by Turrentine's 70s schtick. The reason is that the music is heavily orchestrated, with saxophone solos played over the strings in a warm, inoffensive tone, never straying too far from the main melody. In other words, easy listening, dentist's office jazz. 

I am not a jazz connoisseur, so it's hard for me to feel too outraged by this material. But I still found it to be, on the whole, boring. I'm sure it would work fine as the soundtrack to a TV show or as faintly heard background music riding in an elevator, but as active listening material, it failed to engage me. The only potential point of interest for me is that there is a version of Stevie Wonder's "Evil" on the second side, but when all Turrentine does is play the vocal melody on saxophone, it's hard to see the point. Sure, the chord changes are still cool, but Stevie's version is far more interesting. Blue bin!

Eddie Money - "Playing for Keeps" (1980) & "Can't Hold Back" (1986)

       

Rating: 2 and 4

I didn't think I had anything interesting to say about one Eddie Money album, so why not review two at once! Even better for this sort of premise, allmusic.com gave 1980's Playing for Keeps 2 stars but gave 1986's Can't Hold Back 4.5 stars, which potentially makes for an interesting compare and contrast exercise. Was Money really that much more successful with his 1986 effort than his 1980 effort? And if so, why?

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

No, of course not. Both albums suck. 

Okay, Can't Hold Back is definitely better. On Playing for Keeps, Money attempts to cast himself as a straight-up classic rocker, but his music lacks any of the elements that make good classic rock successful, and winds up boring and faceless. Eddie's voice is like Rod Stewart's without the rasp. In other words, it's not really much like anything at all. 

On Can't Hold Back, Mr. Money (or perhaps his production team) conceded that he was really in this for radio success, added keyboards and horns, more melodic choruses, and the result was his most famous single ("Take Me Home Tonight") as well as renewed commercial success. I could almost be convinced that this is a good album, because I can't deny that the songs have hooks, and it's surprisingly consistent. And then Money's lifeless vocals remind me that there is really no reason to listen to even Can't Hold Back, presumably his best, more than once. Blue bin for all! 

Steve Perry - "Street Talk" (1984)

Rating: 4

I will admit, this is one of those times where there was probably a close to zero chance that I would vote to keep this record. Although I enjoy "Don't Stop Believin" as much as any frat brother, it's because it's so cheesy, stupid, and over-the-top that it's fun to sing along to, and certainly not because I identify with the pathos of Journey, who is really just a worse version of Kansas. If lead singer Steve Perry had any latent songwriting talent, he probably would have displayed it prior to going solo.

And as I expected, Street Talk is a pretty mediocre album. Still, it did at least provide me with an "oh yeah, that song" moment with the first track, "Oh Sherrie" (click the link, I guarantee you'll have one too), which I do take a certain pleasure in. To Perry's credit, this is mostly straightforward arena rock and lacks the progressive inclinations of Journey, thus ensuring that it avoids being totally reprehensible. Not to Perry's credit is that the songwriting is boring, the musicianship weak, and even the tracks that have decent hooks ("Oh Sherrie," "Foolish Heart") are nothing more than polished, sterile craftsmanship. He can hit some impressive notes and has a quintessential mid-80s rock voice, but I'm not really sure those attributes are even good things in this context. Blue bin!

Olivier Messiaen - "Quartet for the End of Time" (1941)

Rating: 9

Note: The above album cover is not actually the performance I own of this piece.

Although my working knowledge of classical music is scant and pathetic, I do know enough that I had at least been meaning to listen to my Quartet for the End of Time LP for several years now. In terms of backstory, it's hard to beat, since much of it was composed by Olivier Messiaen while he was a prisoner of war during World War II. Even better yet (from my perspective), the themes deal with no less than the Apocalypse and the music is a paean to angels coming down from Heaven. I may not be religious myself, but I do have a fondness for music inspired by religion, assuming it is infused with a proper awe and majesty (which classical music usually is).

Still, I had listened to part of the record once, but as background music, and expected something more immediately majestic and stirring, where it in fact does awhile to get going. But with a full listen, I really found myself drawn in by the power of the piece. In particular, I was struck by the fifth movement, (which closes the first side on my record) a slow, seven-minute cello solo backed by piano, and if at first it seemed somewhat sparse, the richness of the theme slowly gives way to a state of bliss. And to have it followed up by a wild dissonant piece hearkening the six trumpets of the Apocalypse is something that I just don't ever find in my usual sphere of pop and rock music.

It will definitely take me more listens to appreciate everything that Messiaen is doing here, especially due to my lack of experience with modern classical. But although I'm afraid to stake out a final position yet (above rating is a guess), I have a strong feeling that this shit is really good. Like, fucking great. So needless to say, keeper!

Spirit - "Twelve Dreams of Dr. Sardonicus" (1970)

Rating: 8

Judging by the album cover, this one looked like a bust. Or I suppose it would have, if I hadn't already known this to be a fairly acclaimed record. And indeed, Twelve Dreams of Dr. Sardonicus is just as trippy as the title and the album cover would imply, but it is also a potent brew. I am not quite sure how to describe the sound, which is at least one sign of a good record, or at least a unique one. There are elements of jazz, folk, and hard rock, but with spacey guitars and processed vocals. Maybe it's a stretch, but in places, it reminded me of Animal Collective, though I suppose Spirit is slightly more restrained. That's another sign of a good record, though, for although the vibe of the record is dated, the sound is quite modern. Overall, I was very impressed, although I think they sometimes go overboard in trying to be weird and psychedelic, so I wouldn't quite call it a lost masterpiece. But a very good record? Hell yes! Keeper!

Bruce Hornsby and the Range - "The Way It Is" (1986)

Rating: 7

Bruce Hornsby is Springsteen without the aggression, or perhaps Dire Straits without the grit. So if my first reaction to hearing these gentle, smoothly produced, mid-tempo guitar rockers was to throw up in my mouth a little bit, can I really be blamed? And although Hornsby's synthesizer playing is more of an added texture to the songs than the primary focus, its existence at all instantly dates the record to right around 1986. But somehow, as the album kept going, I had the sudden epiphany that every single song had a driving melody and tuneful chorus. This record, in fact, has the opposite problem from my last review. In this case, the production and general vibe turn me off, but after sitting down and giving it a full, focused listen, I can't help but appreciate the craftsmanship and more importantly, the consistency. It'd still be easy to say that the aforementioned flaws immediately sink it, but I'm a fan of nuance in my ratings, so while The Way It Is is certainly no masterpiece, it is a perfectly fine album. Keeper!

Paul Carrack - "Suburban Voodoo" (1982)

Rating: 5

According to allmusic.com, Paul Carrack was "pop music's ultimate journeyman," with "his finest work coming at the expense of his own identity." Shockingly, these traits make for a thoroughly mediocre solo album. Produced by Nick Lowe, Suburban Voodoo sounds pretty much exactly like Lowe's own Labour of Lust, with elements of Squeeze thrown in (who Carrack also sang for). Carrack's vocal style is ostensibly soulful, but fails to convey really much of anything.

Still, I do use the word mediocre in the literal sense, and nothing here struck me as being bad necessarily. The production is good enough that it all sounds perfectly pleasant and there are some catchy guitar riffs and choruses to be found here and there. If I had been listening to it as background music, I might even have convinced myself that this record was a keeper. But outside of the first track "Letter of Love," no song really held my interest from beginning to end. For that reason, although I found it much preferable to 1987's One Good Reason (which proved that without Lowe's production, Carrack quickly moves from mediocre to bad), Suburban Voodoo fails my most fundamental criterion, which is whether I ever see myself wanting to listen to it again. Blue bin!

Pat Boone - "Sings Irving Berlin" (1957)

Rating: 7

I will admit that my knowledge of pre-rock era standards is low, so I really couldn't say whether Pat Boone's covers of Irving Berlin are good, bad, or mediocre versions. I enjoyed the record, and allmusic.com gave it 4.5 stars, so perhaps that should be enough to content me. The melodic phrasing is typical of singers of this time and although I find the style to be a bit dated in the wake of the much more emotional and personal singing of the rock era, it does have a subtle charm that grew on me throughout the course of the album. One benefit of covering the repertoire of a well-known songwriter is that you can filter out the dregs and indeed, this album is blindingly consistent. All this is to say, I liked the record, and although I probably wouldn't feel any need to own two albums of Irving Berlin covers, Mr. Boone currently has no other competition in my collection ensuring that he will avoid the blue bin.

Big Star - "Third/Sister Lovers" (1978)

Rating: 7

Third/Sister Lovers was released well after Big Star had already dissolved, having been recorded four years earlier and then shelved, presumably for its weirdness. And it is a fascinating listen, as Alex Chilton seemingly intentionally subverted the glistening power-pop of their first two records, releasing a chaotic, uncommercial record. Maybe he just said "fuck it" after failing to reach commercial success with two albums that were lovingly crafted just for the radio. Perhaps there was some consolation in the critical acclaim that eventually followed.

I'd like to say that Third is the band's masterpiece, but I can't go that far. Over the course of the album the sound, at first thrilling, becomes somewhat monotonous, and the hooks begin to dwindle (of course, one could argue that's the point, but there are enough songs here that have hooks, albeit strange ones, that I find fault with the ones that don't). Still, the first half of the record is near-perfect and although it may sound jarring at first, further listens reveal that these songs do indeed possess the classic Big Star elements, just twisted and fucked up. "Jesus Christ" has a perverse, sped up carnival organ intro but although it sounds more raw, it still has a chiming riff and soaring chorus that would have fit on their earlier records if not for the lyrics ("Jesus Christ was born today, Jesus Christ was born"). Similarly, "Big Black Car" with a different arrangement could be "Thirteen" from #1 Record, but instead is slowed down to the point where it sounds like it belongs more on the Twin Peaks soundtrack than in the Big Star catalog. 

Whatever Chilton's intentions, Third/Sister Lovers solidified Big Star's critical reputation as a band that was willing to change their artistic identity without sacrificing, and indeed enhancing their emotional power. And that's a good reputation to have.